False Cognates and False Feelings

The Spanish word for disappoint sounds like the English word for deceive. I try to say in Spanish to myself what I've said (or thought) in English. This month we have faced multiple disappointments, and lately I've found myself thinking "I feel deceived! Wait, that's not right. Although, in a way it feels right."

Disappointment is passive - oftentimes, it can be prevented by managing expectations (I'm not saying that's easy). 

But deception is active - someone caused me to believe one way and then it turned out another way.

This word encompasses so much of how I've felt lately, though I am ashamed to admit it. Feelings are feelings. They're real, but they're not always the truth.

God is not a deceiver.

Deciding on our children's schooling has been different than we imagined. Without boring the reader with all the details, I am not homeschooling the Charlotte Mason Method and Austin is not attending a public school very close to our apartment.

Instead, although they loved homeschool, both children are thrilled with where they've landed: Susanna in first grade at Evangelical Christian Academy and Austin in kindergarten at San Ignacio de Loyola - a Catholic school close enough to our apartment.

Susanna, beyond excited for her first day of school at ECA.

Austin, our little Catholic School boy, showing how he felt after a morning at school all in Spanish. 

It took their parents a little while to come around to accepting the way things are. 

Once Austin was in school and I had bought uniforms and finished calculating costs, filling out paperwork, looking at the book list, and reassuring myself that although he hated to see me go, he was probably having a blast (because he always does), I took a moment to update a local friend on Austin's situation. As I was processing, I finally heard from the Holy Spirit. 

First, I thought about how this one year of Austin's life will be a blip in the whole, and what a marvelous cultural experience this will be as part of the tapestry of his life as an MK. For him and for us! 

Then I thought of the people we would meet. I felt Him say, "I'm sorry this is so painful. I'm know it's not what you would have chosen for your children. But one of your goals, goals which you set in the power of the Holy Spirit, is to reach Spanish Catholics with the good news of grace. Well, they go to this school."

Not much has gone the way we planned, anticipated, or desired since our arrival on the field. But it has all gone exactly the way God intended. His ways are not my ways, His ways are higher than my ways. Although it can be painful to walk through, I have dried my tears and found peace and rest in His goodness, His sovereignty, and His plan for me, for my children, and for our ministry in Spain.