Shocking.

Some things you just can't prepare for. Even when you know the next season of your life is going to be full of unknowns, uncharted territory for emotions and spiritual growth, there really isn't a way to feel differently about it. When the culture shock comes, you just have to feel it. I'm learning to say, "this shocks me" and then I have to move on because this is my life now. Sometimes it's obvious why. Most of the time the shock wears off very quickly. The easiest times are when I'm "shocked" (read: frustrated, surprised, annoyed, saddened, overwhelmed, maybe even afraid) by something sinful. I can remind myself it's good to be shocked by this. I can find it in myself, be grieved by it there, and repent. Immediately what felt like culture shock is renamed what it really is: conviction. And I can praise God, who finds ways to use our sinfulness to bring us closer to the likeness of his son Jesus. If that's not grace, I don't know what is.

It's hard for me to admit this because I love people and consider myself an impartial and unprejudiced person. But in my new culture, my brain is always trying to fill in the whys of other people's (or my own!) behavior, and different is the easy scapegoat. And then, again, my brain fills in "different equals bad" without my permission. An example of the culture shock I mention above is watching other children misbehave. Very quickly I can go from believing that all children are born persons with a propensity for sin to wondering what parental flaw, emanating from some cultural difference, enabled this child's particular behavior. Obviously, my children misbehave too! Sometimes it's because of my own failings, some of which are the result of my own cultural background (we're all products of our culture in some ways), sometimes it’s just because they’re human. None of that negates my responsibility as a parent to raise my children to know and do what's right, so I had better be careful not to place blame where it doesn't belong. More deeply and more importantly, I am convicted of sinful pride that expects something from my children they can't deliver: good behavior that reflects positively on us and how we've navigated this cultural change. The truth is, Chris and I and the kids all need more grace and compassion as we navigate this change, and while we still have to parent, it often looks different than it might have in our home culture. God is so good to help me love my people and hate my own sin in order to do that better.