Things that Keep me Awake at Night

A list

Drinking coffee too late in the day. Enjoying the book I’m reading by my Kindle’s backlight. My husband snoring. Replaying news in my head. Envisioning the worst case scenario in a set of circumstances. My period. The tea I made before bed was not herbal, but black. Too hot under the covers. Too cold with my leg sticking out. A major lack of exercise. A nagging cough. Analyzing my son’s behavior. Listing all the tasks I have to do the next day. Berating myself for my lack of productivity. Translating things into Spanish. Instagram reels replaying in my head. Wishing I had a cat to snuggle. A noise I heard an hour ago. Writing letters to my dad in my head, feeling guilty for not sending them. Calculating the cost of literally everything. Wondering if my daughter has put down her phone and gone to sleep yet. The existence and state of my Google calendar. Breaking my Duolingo streak. The air from the fan is too noticeable. The noise from the noise machine is too noisy. Praying for random things. Too many Spanish tapas. Recreating my entire personality into someone who is driven and self-motivated. Imagining the morning cup of coffee. Listing my disappointments. Some much needed intimacy. All the countries I want to visit. The late night culture. Sleeping somewhere without persianas. Or air conditioning. Tossing and turning and sighing. Homesickness, loneliness, unexplained wakefulness. 

Audrey Hepburn as Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffany’s

This post is part of a blog hop with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to view the next post in the series “Sleepless.”