Book Review: Unreasonable Hospitality

Trying something new, plus a hospitality roundup

A fellow Exhale member has a newsletter where she shares her book reviews in the form of pairings. Sometimes she invites guests to share in the same format. I have long wanted to try this review format, so I suggested writing one for Unreasonable Hospitality by Will Guidara. Turns out, she already had one (oops).

Emailing with Krista reminded me why I started following her newsletter to begin with—we have almost identical taste in books. So, on Krista’s invitation, I present Rosalie’s Version¹. I haven’t read Krista’s review, so if there are similarities, it’s pure coincidence (and because we really do have the same taste in books).

Unreasonable Hospitality by Will Guidara

I loved this book because it reads like one of my favorite genres, food memoir, but lives up to its business-book tagline: “The Remarkable Power of Giving People More than they Expect.”

Looks like neatly stacked linens, symmetrical place settings, long wooden tables. The final scene in Titanic where Rose is dreaming and a tuxedoed man with a smile opens intricate French doors to the staircase where she meets Jack. This book looks like how those doors open for Rose, for you, for me… {just watch it you know you want to}, ending in everything you ever imagined.

Sounds like a really well-curated dinner party playlist, clinking silverware, the occasional sound of flambé from the kitchen, New York City in the fall, your dad giving advice over a cup of coffee.

Tastes like the most luxurious meal you have ever eaten, but, at a picnic table with friends, if that’s more your style (it’s more my style). The book is about building restaurants with expensive tasting menus, but I never imagined that kind of environment while reading. It tastes like when Ina Garten says, “use a good olive oil” and you do.

Feels like optimism, hard work, and the energy you feel after a great gathering with friends. Expensive linens, crunchy salad, creamy soup, the heat from the table’s candle when you share a bite from your fork with your husband.

Pairs well with greens dressed in the good olive oil, Ina Garten recipes, books by The Nester, a gift certificate to your favorite restaurant, Nancy Meyer movies, and a party with abundant selections of Spanish wine, local ales, and fruity mocktails, according to what your guests like.

Home Again produced by Nancy Meyers

Favorite Quotes

“Service is black and white. Hospitality is color…Getting the right plate to the right person at the right table is service. But genuinely engaging with the person you’re serving, so you can make an authentic connection—that’s hospitality.”

“…when you grow up a little, you realize the people getting the most out of their lives are the ones who wear their hearts on their sleeves, the ones who allow themselves to be passionate and open and vulnerable, and who approach everything they love at full-throttle, with curiosity and delight and unguarded enthusiasm.”

“People who are gifted at hospitality tend to be sensitive. They notice everything, feel deeply, and care a lot. These are superpowers, though that tenderness can also make them a handful to manage.”

“Luxury means just giving more; hospitality means being more thoughtful.”

“I say this whenever someone shares their fears with me about taking a leap forward: Nobody knows what they’re doing before they do it.”

“Sometimes magic is just someone spending more time on something than anyone else might reasonably expect.” (Will is quoting his father here)

Other Hospitality Books I Like

These are just the ones I own.

The Gospel Comes with a House Key, Rosaria Butterfield’s practical, convicting account of how breaking bread with her neighbors brought her to Christ.

Priya Parker’s The Art of Gathering is a lot like Will’s book (reviewed above), but with an emphasis on the fact that food is not our only reason for gathering. I need to reread this one!

My favorite home writer is known as the Nester. Myquillyn Smith’s books are all excellent, but Welcome Home: a Cozy Minimalist Guide to Decorating and Hosting all Year Round is an encouraging guide for anyone who wants to create more welcoming spaces.

Extraordinary Hospitality for Ordinary People is a practical manual for incorporating hospitality into ministry (bonus points for not being US centric).

A Meal with Jesus by Tim Chester, The Simplest Way to Change the World by Dustin Willis and The Art of Neighboring by Jay Pathak are all pastoral offerings on Biblical hospitality. Since women usually have a lot to say about hosting, cooking, gathering, and the home, these are expedient theological takes from male pastors. Willis’ book was one of the first I read when I was a brand new missionary, and it changed my approach to gatherings for the better.

Reflections and devotionals that have influenced my hospitality life include Shauna Niequist’s Bread and Wine (really anything written by Shauna), Aarti Sequera’s Unwind, Kate Bowler’s Good Enough and Matt Canlis’ film and book Backyard Pilgrim: 40 Days at Godspeed.

The two cookbooks shown above are for mastering the basics of cooking, so that your meals turn out simple and tasty every time. Salt, Fat, Acid Heat is a bit more sciency, with great illustrations. The Cook’s Book has skills you can put into practice immediately.

Food inspires me, and I’ve found hospitality gold to mine from Louise Penny’s Inspector Gamache books, Jenny Colgan’s fictional Island of Mure, and the meddling Indian aunties from Sara Desai and Sonali Dev (modern Austen retellings with an Indian twist).²

Finally, I want to make a confession. It probably looks like we must be the most hospitable people alive, like our house (which is spacious and welcoming) is always full of people. It’s not. A house full of people all the time doesn’t work for all the members of our family, for one, as some of us are more introverted and need our space. Second, we don’t have many friends in our new town (it’s only been a year, it is definitely still new), and the town has a funny cultural quirk—people come home to sleep and be alone, not to visit their friends. And people are very busy. Like much of Europe, the common spaces are the primary gathering space for people, and, frankly, there aren’t a lot of books written about that (Extraordinary Hospitality has the best words on this topic). We also have the limitation of no outdoor space, which is more problematic than I anticipated.

I have developed rhythms. It’s not as frequent as a reader might think, but our hospitality efforts are regular: we host birthday parties, a Thanksgiving meal, and Christmas gatherings. A few Sundays we invite people after church. I host a party for my book club, I open our living room for a team meeting. But the majority of our welcoming spaces are outside our home, where we can meet people where they are already comfortable—in the plaza, at church, at the library, community pool, or a coffee shop.

1. I won’t always follow Krista’s format, though I do love it, but I plan to share more book reviews in this newsletter as a way to write more frequently.

2. All these links are affiliate, so if you buy a book I linked, I might get a couple cents. Same with Trades of Hope.